you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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