My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
