there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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