so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
