Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
