Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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