im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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