This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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