Welp...herpes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
