you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
