No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
