that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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