I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
