I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
