I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
