Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
