I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
