We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
