don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
