I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
