what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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