just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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