We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
