butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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