i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
