Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
