Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
