the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
