Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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