Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drunk is a universal language darling
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
