Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
