Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
