3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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