i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
