3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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