I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
