I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
