I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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