Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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