I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
