Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
