R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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