the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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