My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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