you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
