its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
