Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
