Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
