Don't you send me to vm
420 ftw
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
