I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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